


Finding Fate

by gallifreygirl1024



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay, High School, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s), Same-Sex Marriage, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 00:47:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2602400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gallifreygirl1024/pseuds/gallifreygirl1024
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fic about Dean and Cas. Dean fixes Cars, Cas is an English teacher, they both have met before, and it makes them even closer than they thought. Updates every Friday, shooting for at least a thousand words a chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! not much happens in the first few chapters, but stick with me!

The coarse white walls were never the greatest thing to him, but Castiel Novak still appreciated the simplicity in them. Each brick built a wall, and each wall made a room. If it gets the point across, why glorify it? It was like trying to make something sound or seem better than it actually was. Like his job, which he, at times, would question. How had he ended up in a meager classroom? It was nothing but uniform tile flooring and white walls, the occasional literature poster reflecting ideals of proper grammar and rhyme scheme dispersed around the room. His classroom reminded him too closely of an asylum, but given his students, he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference anyway. Adjusting the glasses that laid on the bridge of his nose, Castiel realized he had spaced out for a bit. Being a teacher will do that, especially being the high school English teacher Castiel was. Learning was difficult, but teaching was even more so. It drained him, though he loved his job. Rolling his head from side to side, touching his chin to his chest with each turn, Cas wondered when his next class was. Reaching his left hand to the back of his neck, brushing the collared white shirt as he did, he peered up at the clock next to the door. 12:35 pm. An hour and a half, and then he could pack up, bringing more work home than he would be able to have time for in school.

“Ugh.. “ Cas groaned. He turned his chair to the left, and ambled from behind the desk, walking across the room. He went through the circle of 22 chairs, past the white board on his immediate left, landing his last step with the entrance to his dim classroom. Glancing left, then right, he waited for the bell. Leaning on the door with one hand on either side of the frame, Cas waited. He thought about fixing the blue tie that had gone askew, but figured it would end up like that as soon as he fixed it. He was an average person. 6’ tall, dark ruffled hair, and stunning blue eyes were his physical features, the only things that were exposed from his professional wardrobe.

“RIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG”

With the bell sounding, Cas pushed slightly off of his hands, turning as he did so. The murmur of hormones and converse grew behind him into a soft roar, prospering with each step. Cas made it back to his desk, and began to shuffle through a deck of persuasive essays he had graded the night before, littering each paper with red sharpie as he read sentences defending animal civil rights, and why the drinking age should be lowered. When the pile was organized into some resemblance of neatness, Castiel looked up to find 18 apathetic expressions gawking back at him. A bit taken back, he hesitated to speak at first. Then, remembering what he had planned to say, he started off his class, “Each paper had it’s pro’s and con’s, and I think all of you did well for the first term paper. Each topic had attributes that any reader could relate to...”

      Dean Winchester reeked of gasoline when he stepped into the familiar diner, and knew it. The regular customers ignored it, being used to Deans daily appearances at the diner, always seeming to smell like a garage. The new customers scanned the room for the source, suddenly catching a whiff of what weren’t the pancakes they ordered. Dean hesitantly stepped in, looking for a seat. Settling for a stool next to the counter, his work boots squeaked as the grease on them met the linoleum with his strides. His green eyes met a pair of browns across the counter.

“Hey Dean, the usual?” The blonde asked, with pen ready in her hand.

“You know best Jess, except can I get a milkshake instead of coffee? I need something cold after being cooped up in that garage all day.” Jess stopped short in reaching for the mug, and looked back at Dean.

“It’s November… And you’re hot? “

“Well, spending the entire day on a skateboard under a 1966 midnight blue mustang can sure put a little sweat on your brow.” Dean sighed, laughing slightly at the end of his sentence.

“Point taken.” Jess put the ceramic mug she had been holding back, and went into the kitchen to make his usual lunch. A grilled cheese sandwich, tomato soup, and French fries. Some days, she included a piece of apple pie, his favorite, but only when she had enough to spare a slice. Dean sat patiently on the red 1960’s styled stool. He liked the classic feel of the diner. It reminded him of the cars he worked with all day, each classic different from the next. He made a valiant effort to wipe the grease that had molded into the creases of his hands, but made little success. In slight frustration, he balled up the torn, gray napkin, and threw it onto the counter. As it bounced onto the other side, Jess came out with a plate filled to its brim with soup, a sandwich, fries, and a decadent slice of pie. Dean looked up, and his mouth instantly began to water.

“How on earth did my brother get to you before I did?” He asked, smiling as the plate was placed in front of him. Jess smirked,

“Good question.” She glided back to the kitchen as Dean took a hearty bite into his sandwich. Then Jess shouted from the confines of the kitchen

“Hey Dean, I forgot to ask you.. Can you pick up Gracie from school? I don’t want to get her late, and Sam is working.” Dean was so engrossed in his sandwich, he nodded in agreement. He had a bit until 2:00, and her high school was just across the way. So he chewed a bit faster, not wanting to miss out on the apple pie slice he worked for.

    At 2:03, the bell rang at Lawrence Technical Vocational High School. As it did, Castiel’s class rose in stereo, and all scrambled for the door to catch the bus, only to talk about the same things they did that morning. Cas slumped in his chair, thankful the day was over. He stared at the ceiling, and took a couple deep breaths. After having gathered his thoughts, he sat upright. He examined his desk, looking to see if he had any work to take home that night. Looking at the bare surface, he realized that he didn’t have any homework tonight. He smiled slightly, and got up from his desk chair, which he was convinced came from the prehistoric times. Stopping short from the sudden ache in his back, he leaned his first and middle knuckle on the corner of the desk, waiting for the pain to fade. Cas had always had back pain, right before he started teaching  six years earlier as a college graduate. He never thought the back pain would get to him, seeing as he stood most of the time he was teaching. Alas it did, and Cas figured it was in the job description. Late night’s grading papers on a $20 coffee table, with cheap soda, and cable TV flooding the background, it seemed inevitable. After it ceased, he stood erect. He grabbed the leather messenger back he carried with him everywhere, grabbed his crème trench coat, and headed out the door.

In the hallway, he could tell he was in a technical school. Even though he had worked there three years, he still experienced something new every time he walked through the hallway. The melancholy lockers and the patterned tile were nothing exquisite, but it wasn’t so much the surroundings, as it was the smells he encountered. Culinary always had something burning, but it still smelled good. Graphics always smelled of hot paper and printer ink, and Health Occupations always had a slight tinge of germ-X and disinfectant. Cosmetology always smelled nice, probably due to the scented hairsprays and lotions they used. Whatever it was, Castiel always encountered something new. Walking down the hallway though, the new thing today wasn’t a smell, or a sensation. It was a student. Cas recognized her

“Hey... uh... Grace Winchester, right?” He questioned. The girl looked up from her phone, the corners of her mouth faintly pulled into a smile.

“Yeah, uh, I guess...”

“You guess? So into your phone you can’t remember?” Cas retorted jokingly, referencing the small black device almost encasing her hand. Grace laughed “Kids these days” and shrugged her shoulders. She looked at Cas again.

“You’re one of the English teachers, right?” Cas eyed her, trying to think of the apparent answer. Then, it came to him

“Yes, uh- I’ve been here almost three years. I teach juniors and seniors. “

“That makes sense why I haven’t seen you much. I’m in the writing club after school, so I see you then, but never as much as the kids in your classes do. You are one of the teacher advisers, right?”

“Only every other week,” Cas told her “but I pop in when I can.” He looked at his phone’s clock, its face reading 2:10 pm.

“Have you missed your bus?”

“No, my uncle is coming to get me.” She assured him.“Would walking me to the front of the school make you feel better?” She teased.

Cas pondered this “Actually, a little bit."He chuckled. Grace gathered her things, and walked alongside the English teacher.

       

      Dean was wiping whip cream from the corners of his mouth with his left hand as he pulled into the high school's driveway. He glanced down at the clock in his car, in which it read 2:15 pm.

“Eh, not bad. Hope she doesn’t think I forgot.” Dean parked the impala diagonally into two front spots, designated for the school officials cars. Dean hated authority, so the parking job made him sneer to his own delight. He turned the keys in the ignition so the Impala’s rumbling shushed, followed by sudden silence. Dean climbed out of his baby, and closed the door with care. Dean loved his car more than life itself, and he took car of the Impala like it was his child. It was the closest thing he had left to one..

He squinted at the front of the school, thinking his niece would wait somewhere easy to spot, as he wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree. When he didn’t see them, he groaned,

“ Grace Elizabeth Winchester, it seems I’m always on a goose chase for you.”

He promptly trekked up the front steps, his shoes creating friction with the concrete stairs

“I haven’t been in here in years... wonder what it's like now..."

Dean tried to continue his conversation with himself , except he encountered an abrupt interruption when he reached the tile of the hallway. His shoulder met another , and trying to dodge out of the other person’s way, he tripped. He fell onto his backside, and his green eyes blazed with fury.

“Damn it kid watch where you’re-”

Dean looked up, and couldn’t continue his fit. Looking at him was a pair of sad blue eyes behind a pair of glasses, and a man in a tan trench coat. A cute man.... Dean looked at this stranger dazed and confused. And the stranger just looked also, maintaining eye contact. Grace Winchester interjected, turning the corner and seeing her uncle on the floor sent her to panic at first.

“Oh my, Uncle Dean!!”

She skittered to her uncles side “Are you okay? Are you hurt? How’s your shoulder?”

She rambled on, but Dean wasn’t listening. It looked as if the stranger wasn’t either.

 

     Castiel had been talking to Grace as they moseyed down the hallway. He found out a lot about her personal life. She was a sophomore, lived in Lawrence since she was little, her parents met on a hunt.. whatever that was. He assumed they hunted for sport, but she seemed to treat it as something more serious than a game. Besides that, Cas found out that she was getting into creative writing this year, hence her membership with the creative writing club.

“I mean, I love how words can just flow off the pen, onto the page. It’s poetic, in a sense.. just the way-”

Grace stumbled on her shoe lace, which had just happened to untie itself before they reached the corner. Cas was startled

“Oh jeez, you okay?”

“Yeah” she confirmed

“I’m also a klutz." Grace laughed "I’m lucky if my pen can find the paper.” Cas shared the smile, 

“I’ll wait at the door for you Grace.” Castiel sighed, still chuckling.

“Okay, be right there!”

Castiel ventured around the corner, shaking his head, still reminiscing in the humor of the joke. He really liked Grace, he thought she was a good kid. He realized he had high hopes for her. Cas looked up just in time to collide with a leather jacket figure. In the simple chaos, he managed to stay on his feet, but the stranger wasn’t so lucky.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t see-”

Castiel tried to apologize, but his sentence was disrupted by the beautiful green eyes staring up at him. It seems like he couldn’t move. Grace had seemingly flown to his aide, bombarding him with questions, but it sounded like gibberish from the distance of his daze. Cas didn’t quite snap out of it until the stranger blinked, bringing both of them back to reality.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry!” Castiel offered the stranger a hand. Dean grabbed his hand, his grip resembling a handshake,  and pulled on it, bringing him upwards, to meet the stranger face to face.

“Dean Winchester.” he introduced himself. Cas nodded,

“Castiel Novak, but I’m known as Cas to friends and favorite students.”

The two still hadn’t let go of the others hand, they stood as still as statues, admiring the simple pleasure of the physical contact. Grace intervened

“I’m the first one to say I ship it, but Mom wants us home soon Uncle Dean. We have to get back to Mary too” Grace took Dean’s arm, and replaced Castiel’s empty hand with a piece of paper,

“And who wants to leave a seventh grader alone for more than a half hour with no fire extinguisher and no phone? I sure don’t! It was nice seeing ya Mr.Novak!” Grace escorted a bewildered Winchester out the door, with a devious smile upon her face. All the while, she left Cas in the same bemusement, with her uncles phone number etched into a piece of paper.


	2. The Phonecall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out more about Cas, and Dean. A personal look into the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is major foreshadowing.

Cas sat on his maroon leather couch, peddling a smart phone between his fingers. Did he want to call this Dean Winchester? Did he want to risk dejection, or possibly even his job? Same sex couples weren't exactly the highlight of society. At least they weren't in his last town..   
"I'm jumping to conclusions." He said to himself. Still, he stared at his iPhone. The screen sparkled with a certain tease. All Castiel had to do was type in a phone number. 10 digits and he could be doing something exciting for once. One conversation. No strings, shenanigans or otherwise. One talk, and then maybe something will spark. Maybe. Before Castiel could rethink his decision, he quickly dialed the crumpled numbers. He held the phone up to his ear and waited for the ringing to commence.  
Beeep  
Beeep  
Bee-  
"Hello?"  
Castiel froze. Half of him didn't expect green eyes to answer. The other half wanted to throw the phone and cry. He stared at the coffee table wide eyed. Green eyes answered. It was his move now. Castiel felt as if his words couldn't make the journey past the front of his teeth his jaw was clenched so tightly. He did manage to smuggle out a few words after what seemed like an ephemeral eternity.  
"Hello, Dean. It's Cas."  
"Oh hey Cassie! Good thing you said something, I was about to hang up. What's up man?"  
Shit. This guy was good looking and could hold up a conversation. Cas decided not to prolong the torment his subconscious was subjecting him to, the suspense was killing him.  
"Are you free Friday night?"   
Green eyes stumbled over his response.  
"Uh, yeah, I uh... I think so?"  
"Great" Cas responded, somewhat relieved "I want to take you out on a date. Unless you are, in fact, not interested in men, please ignore the request and pretend I was drunk so I can spare my finite amount of dignity. "   
"Friday it is. See you then, Cas."  
Before Castiel hung up, he could hear a somewhat shrill voice in the background  
"UNCLE DEAN IF YOU SCREW THIS UP, I WILL PUT YOU IN THE GRINDER AND SEASON YOU WITH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!"  
Cas didn't know what to say, until Dean replied "GRACE, YOU CAN'T SEASON MEAT WITH BLOOD, IT OVERPOWERS THE SPICES!" Dean remembered he had a person still on the line, and regretted yelling into the phone almost instantly. " Sorry Cas, uh, hehe, I guess that makes you rethink the date, huh?"  
"Only if she doesn't take the advice ."   
Dean chuckled. " I like you. See Ya then."  
Cas heard the click of the phone call , signaling it's end, and smiled when he realized that he did it. He got a date. Cas let out a hesitant laugh . He attempted to stand up, which caused his back to feel as if somebody struck a match up his spine. Cas grimaced at this unfortunate familiarity. He locked himself into a stance in which his chest was parallel to the coffee table. He winced each time he tried to move from his spot, something in his back refusing to let him move. Cas knew where this was going. He would stay there if he was stubborn enough to let his back adjust on Its own, or until he called one of his siblings to come help him. Cas opted for the latter, and reached for his phone. 

As he dialed his brother Gabriel's number with one hand, his knuckles turned a golden white on the other, caused by him holding his weight with a semi closed fist. He held the phone to his ear and waited. Instead of rings, callers of Gabriel's phone would hear a song when they called. This was an April fools joke that had stick, because Gabriel claimed he was too lazy. Cas personally thought it had grown on Gabriel.  
You're the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen -  
"Cassie, What's up mah brotha"  
Cas laughed, then winced because of the movement.   
"Hey Gabe, uh, I need a little assistance"  
"You threw out your back again, didn't you."  
"Seems so."  
Gabriel sighed. "You little shit. I'll be over in two minutes."  
Click  
Castiel softly tossed his phone onto the cheap surface of the table. He repositioned the knee he had been leaning on, and decided to shift his weight too his right leg. It was the stronger one of the two. Cas always tried to convince himself that the chronic pain was from his teaching career, although that wasn't completely true. His conditioned worsened from his job, but it wasn't the source. He still remembers what happened, as if it was only minutes ago..  
Castiel shook his head as the door to his apartment opened, and a tall dirty blonde man scuttled through the door.   
"Cas, where are ya? "  
He poked his head in the living room, and saw Castiel, leaning over and white knuckled. He jogged over and did what he knew to do.   
"Ok Cas, on three"   
Gabriel put one arm around his midsection, and the other behind his knees. "One.. two.. three"  
On the count, Gabriel swiftly lifted Cas into his arms, turned a half revolution, and laid him on couch. Cas hissed in a slight agony  
"Ahh... ahh"  
"I'll go get the heating pad." Gabe walked briskly into the kitchen, retrieving the worn pad and two Advil.  
Cas was sprawled on the couch, and had been breathing deeply for a few minutes before his brother came back.  
" I'm sorry, I didn't think it was bad today." Cas apologized.  
Gabriel retorted " Its okay. I planned on coming over tonight anyway. I might well be useful."  
Cas smiled "You sure?"   
"You may be a little shit sometimes" Gabe uncapped the Advil, and poured two into his hand, "but you're still my brother, and I still love you. I think." He smiled and poured the pills into Cas' open palm, and handed him the Poland springs water bottle. Cas swallowed the two gel capsules. He then gestured towards Gabe to hand him another capsule.   
“You hurt that much?!” Raising his brow, he shook the bottle to have another blue pill fall into his hand.  
Cas shrugged his shoulders “ I slammed into a guy while walking out of school.”  
Gabe stopped in his tracks, the bottle still suspended by his hand, hovering over Castiel. He narrowed his gaze,  
“Was this stranger cute?” Gabriel questioned, winking at Cas.   
“Yes. And I have a date with him Friday.” Cas couldn’t quite believe what was coming out of his mouth still, but he smiled, knowing it was true.   
Gabriel gaped at Castiel. He tossed the bottle in the air (without the cap) and spun around the room,  
“MY BABY BROTHER HAS A DATE!!!!! PRAISE GLORY TO BABY JESUS!”  
Cas panicked, mostly because of the yelling, Gabriel quickly broke off, and knelt by Cas’ head.   
“Shit Cas” he started, speaking quietly and quickly, “shit shit shit, I’m so sorry, Relax, it’s just me, you’re safe..”

But Castiel couldn’t hear him. The sudden crescendo of his brother’s tone sent him into a flashback. His breaths became shallow, and his eyes filled with pure fear.  
“Can you hear me Jim?! Goddammit Jim answer me! I’m stuck under a beam, need help ASAP!” Castiel could feel the heat around him, and the echo of burning wood crackling around him. He couldn’t hear through his helmet to well, but he could see. And Castiel didn’t see a soul.  
“ANYBODY, HELP ME!”   
He was violently thrashing, hitting the beam on top of him. slowly crushing his ribcage. Through his gloves, he could feel the heat penetrating the protective layers. His oxygen mask was sliding, due to the sweat from his mask. Still gasping, he scanned his surroundings. The beam turned out to be an armour, filled with glass trinkets and an assortment of other knick knacks. To his left, a couch went from blue to black as the sadistic flames consumed it, and pictures hung on the wall curled into hideous piles of happy memories and ash. The carpet quickly caught , as the fire grew contagious, spreading to curtains and the intricate inner workings of the wall. Castiel knew his oxygen was running out. He was glad he had gotten someone out of there. He knew he could die happy, because he had saved one person. One person made it out. Alive. Suddenly, Cas felt his arms being pulled, and he heard a fellow volunteer firefighter trying to scream to him through his helmet and mask.   
"Cas, go onto your stomach! I can get you out faster!"  
Castiel obeyed, and did the best he could to turn over, so he was facing the floor. The firefighter then pulled with all his might, and dragged Castiel out from under the furniture. However, because of the equipment strapped to him, the fall caused Cas to break his back, cracking his L1 and L2 vertebrae. This alone made it nearly unbearable to walk, let alone to try and get out of the burning house. Cas was gasping for air , and then he heard a voice, near the back of his head.   
"Come back to me Cassie.... it's safe.. you're safe now.."  
He opened his eyes, which he had tightly closed for the remainder of his flash back. Cas had cold sweat lining the contours of his face, and he was locked in Gabriels arms.  
His shallow breathing subsided, and transitioned back to reality. Gabriel pleaded to Cas for forgiveness,  
“Please Cassie, I’m sorry, just come back, I’m so sorry.”  
Cas wrapped one arm around his brother, and squeezed. Not extremely, but Cas held his grip so it was firm enough to let Gab know he had Cas back.  
“Oh thank God, I’m so sorry Cas. I know that fire really messed you up, I’m sorry man.”  
Cas nodded, and buried his head into Gabriel’s shoulder, defying the desire to cry.  
“Cas, you are safe. You aren’t in that house. You are here. You are safe. Stay with me here Cas, stay with me..” 

 

\----------------------------------------  
Dean hung up his flip phone with a jokers grin. He looked up from the floor to see his younger niece, crossed arms and leaning against the doorway to Sam’s kitchen.  
“Mary J, how long have you been standing there? You know it’s rude to eavesdrop.”  
The thirteen year old pushed off the door frame with her shoulder,  
“Long enough to know you’ve got a date..”   
Dean, originally taken back, became reticent.  
“Well” he started, “It’s not exactly a date.”  
“Romantic social gathering, flirtation ship, the ship is canon, you can’t beat around the bush Uncle Dean. It’s a date.” MJ gazed at Dean, her cocked head and raised eyebrow signaling that she was right. “Uncle Dean” she continued, “I read fan fiction. So does Grace. If you need any date ideas or pet names, you have our numbers.” MJ winked, and Dean then scoffed.  
“How old are yo---- you know what? I should have expected that. You girls are growing up too fast, and the frickin internet isn’t helping.” Dean got up, startling the younger Winchester slightly. “Sorry baby girl” He moved closer to her, and kissed her forehead gently.”You’re growing too fast. And that scares me.”   
“You’re telling me.”  
Dean glanced up to find his brother in the doorway as well. Sam grinned, and moved over to his youngest daughter.   
“It’s almost time for bed, why don’t you go wash up MJ?”  
“Daddy, I think a time restriction, such as a bed time, is cruel and unusual punishment. I request permission to make bedtime optional.”  
Sam chuckled, “You know, you don’t have to have a cell phone, much like you don’t have to have a bed time. I’ll let you pick which one you’d rather have. No bedtime, and no phone? “  
MJ shook her head in playful frustration,   
“I keep forgetting you are going to be a lawyer.” She kissed his cheek, and did again to Dean, and trudged towards the bedrooms.

“Sammy?”  
“Yes Dean?”   
“Quit feeding them. I like them little. They’re starting to make me feel old.”  
“Ditto.” Sam turned, and opened the fridge that was on his right. He scanned the fridge for a beer, and when he found the case on the bottom shelf, he turned his head towards Dean.   
“You want one?” He offered. Dean didn’t waste anytime confirming with  
“Yes please.”  
Sam grabbed two cans, and passed one to his brother, who cracked it open, and guzzled down a few hearty sips. This gesture was strangely unfamiliar to Sam.  
“ You okay? You haven’t done that in a while.” Sam pointed with his beer hand to Dean.  
“Yeah, I uh... I have a date Friday.” He admitted, “Just a little nervous I guess..”  
Sam raised his eyebrows, and smiled at Dean, teeth and dimples in full fledge.   
“Alright, Dean!” Sam gave him a mighty pat on the back, causing Dean to flinch, and grab his shoulder. Sam shied away, and then rested his hand on the same shoulder.   
“Shit, sorry Dean. I forgot, I was just really excited, I mean, you haven’t been with anyone since Lisa and it’s just nice to se--”  
“It’s ok Sam..” Dean looked up, “ Just a bit unexpected, that’s all.” He tepidly smiled, only one side of his mouth actually pulling upwards. “Yeah,” he went on, “He is an English teacher at Gracie’s school. I bumped into him, and she gave him my phone number. Then, the entire way home, the only thing she said was ‘Destiel will be canon.’ I questioned her about it, and the response I got was ‘THIS SHIP WILL SAIL!’ So, either she will have our wedding planned by Friday, or there will be fan fiction everywhere.”   
Sam shrugged his shoulders,   
“Or a combination of the two...” Sam trailed off, thinking deeper about Dean’s explanation.

“Wait... Him? “ Sam leaned his head forward, his eyes trying to read Dean’s face.   
Dean widened his gaze,   
“Yeah, uh, him. “  
“I never would have thought you were gay. Ah, well, you learn something new everyday. Today, I learned my brother is gay.” And with that, Sam turned and walked into the living room.   
“In my defense,” Dean argued, “I’m undecided! I could swing either way!” Dean followed Sam into the next room, the living room. It was dimly lit, and the crimson walls reminded him of Christmas, really only a couple months away still. The hardwood floor felt chilly, even through his socks, and the tv in the background had a nice filling quality to it. It felt like home to Dean, even though it wasn’t his home. He padded over to the couch, to find Sam nestled next to Jess. Jess met Dean’s eyes, and whispered   
“Dean, I think this will be good for you. You are too lonely. You need a date.”  
“I’m not lonely!” He rebutted. Jess looked at him with her big, brown eyes,  
“Dean, that may be true if you are talking about friendship. But when was the last time you had a romantic relationship?”

Dean wanted to answer, but he wouldn’t let her name leave his mouth. The name he fell in love with.. the woman he started a family with, and the same woman that had been painfully ripped away from him.. along with his son. He couldn’t remember the last stable relationship he had, since them. They were his world, and then his world came crashing down. Just thinking about it, Dean’s shoulder ached at the memory.. that night..  
Jess registered what thought process she probably just triggered, and got up from the couch.  
“Oh, Dean..” She hugged him. Softly at first, but held him tighter when he inhaled sharply. “Honey, I’m sorry. I know it’s been tough. But if you keep holding on to what you lost, you may never get what you will soon receive.” Jess sighed, and took Dean’s face in her hands.  
“Dean, they’ve been gone six years. You have to move on. You have support, and you’ve got love here. We just want to see you happy.” Jess tried to keep eye contact, but Dean was in his own trance now. He took Jess’s hands away from his face, and kept them in his grip.  
“Tell the girls I said goodnight.” Jess nodded,  
“I will.” Dean nodded to thank her, and turned to leave.   
The front door was in the living room, right next to the pictures, framing snapshots of birthday’s, and school plays, even just moments of play and silliness. All the things Dean never got far enough to experience with his own family. He only had Ben for a year before the infant died. Dean still remembered his smile, a goofy grin with two baby teeth poking through. And his eyes.. Ben had the best eyes. A perfect mirror of his own, they were a beautiful shade of green, a shade that reminded him of summer grass. The sleepless nights were worth it just to see Ben’s eyes shimmer with content. To watch him drift away as the Sandman cast his peaceful spell of slumber, was one of the things Dean loved to watch. It meant he knew his baby was safe. Even though Dean tried, he couldn’t keep Ben safe from everything...  
He looked back to give a departing nod to Sam and Jess, and opened the door to the navy blue atmosphere, littered with constellations. He shut the door, sealing the house from the quiet neighborhood, and looked skyward. Dean stood for a few moments, just staring at the stories the stars told. He inspected every star, and finally found the brightest star he would be satisfied with. Still holding the little doorknob, frigid from the air, he observed that star. The star he picked out, the one that had shone the brightest light, shimmered with intensity, as if it were trying to tell him something. Water coated his eye, and with a single tear drop, he whispered into the void of night,  
“Daddy loves you, Ben. You were always my shining star..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I had to get the information across. I know, I'm not the best at writing, but if you guys like it, I will keep going. Tell me what you think! Comment below!

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know, stupid fricken introductions. but you'll get an updated chapter this Friday!


End file.
